Oh Universe, how you make me giggle

So upon suggestion by a friend that a book would change my life I picked up "The Secret" and because I usually fall asleep while reading, I bought it on iTunes so I could listen to it at work. You know, instead of working.

The book makes perfect sense. Perfect, "Duh, why didn't I think of that", sense. The Law of Attraction. What you put out into the Universe is what will be returned to you. Negative receives negative. Positive receives positive. Easy enough Univers, I GOT THIS! Until implementation time comes. It's all easy in theory but trying to maintain a positive attitude while you want to punch your co-worker in the face is really hard. Especially when THAT's the one thing that would make your world happy. The book teaches you lots of ways on how to ask the Universe for what you want and have gratitude for everything that you DO have instead of complaining about what you DON'T have...eventually you will have everything YOU desire becuase YOU asked for it. Simple enough.

I can honestly it's helped me deal with a situation this week that would make any normal woman fly off the handle. Instead, I just walked away.

The Comedian is done. I walked away from him yesterday because frankly he doesn't deserve me. Here's the story for you:
He called me Friday early afternoon as he was heading out of town to Houston to visit his cousin. I didn't hear from him again until LATE sunday night. Now I don't need someone to call me to check in however, I did start to wonder if he was still alive. So Monday I decide that I'm going to email him and try to find some time to hang out this week. His comment to me was something like this. "I'm not the one without time, you are. So really the question should be would you like to hang out Monday, Wed, Saturday between the hours of 8PM and 6AM and all day on Sunday". For one. WOW. Hostile much? So I say we should hang out on Tuesday and we agree. Well yesterday about 2PM I shoot him an email and ask him what the plans for the evening and he tells me that his buddy is coming over for a bit after he gets off so I kindly ask how long he would be there and I thought him and I were going to spend some time together. His response. "We are".
Well...
8PM rolls around and I haven't heard from him.
8:30PM Still nothing, I send text message asking if he's still at work.
8:45 - (him) Yes, still at work.
9:00 - (me) Are we hanging out or not
9:20 - (him) Yes, just finishing up some stuff
9:50 - (him) Come over now, I'm here now. Had to charge my phone
10:00 - I head over b/c I'm going to talk to him about stuff and why I'm upset.

I get over there and not only is his buddy there but he's high. I'm not that type of girl where I get mad about people smoking cause I really don't care. However we made plans to hang out and THIS is the shit that he pulls. So I tell him why I'm bothered b/c I wasn't mad, I was highly disappointed. AND he's giggling. Great, I'm in the room trying to have a conversation with a fucking 3 year old...awesome.

I finally tell him to just say what he has to say and he says this "I just really don't want to fuck with it".

I got up and left.

I have deleted his number, all text messages and I feel good. to tell you the truth, I wasn't even upset when I left. I was disappointed sure, but I wasn't sad or mad, just relieved really. To know that the Universe has played it's hand and all I can do is laugh.

F**k it Fridays, Martini Madness

So V-day is the worst possible holiday ever. I won't go into too much detail but I don't celebrate the day, haven't in years. And yes, maybe that whole "single" thing plays a big factor Buuuut whatever. I purposely wore all black last year and I threw in a tinge of white this year. I hate those people that walk around in pink and red and are all Fa-la-la-la-la about it... save that shit for Christmas.

I'm in a bad mood - I'll just put it out there. The only saving grace of this week is that my girlfriend and I are going to dinner and have martini's cause we don't give a shit today. Both of us are done with guys (it's been a rough week). She's my "get in some serious trouble" friend. After a game one night we went to a bar and we preceeded to get drunk off Long Island Ice Teas (4 to be exact...EACH) and then made a pit stop on the drive home to pee. Fell down the hill on the side of the road into a field of wild grass... let the itching begin. She woke up the next day half way on the guest bed and I couldn't remember effing leaving the bar. Also, at some point during the night she also 1) untied my shirt 2) pulled a chair out on to the dance floor and danced with a man w/ something along the lines of "pappa" on the back of his jersey. We also OWN any cage within the vicinity that we are dancing...back of biznatch. And god forbid there be a drunken heifer next to us at any given point, both of us possess a certain ghetto-ness that tends to rear it's ugly little head when our territory is invaded. BUT I only usually get like this when she's around... it's bad... but oh so fun. There will be stories on Monday for sure.

Also, The Comedian is out of town so let the trouble begin!!

I have a confession...

I have an obsession and not really a healthy one.

I love potatoes and chocolate.

Not necessarily togehter. Although french fries and a frostie from Wendy's are great.

I love potatoes. Mashed, fried, baked, twice baked, boiled, roasted, etc. Specifically french fries. LOVE them.

I love chocolate. Milk, dark, white, mixed, melted, formed into molds, covered in something, filled with something, etc. LOVE it.

That is all.

With Italy on the horizon

With my trip to Italy steadily approaching I've got a few things on my mind.

One: Where I'm staying and what I'm doing while in Italy BUT I'm pretty sure I have most of it figured out. Pizza. Wine. Bread. Cheese. Gelato. Some ancient architecture and statues. Easy Enough.

Two: How to deal with The Comedian while I'm out of town.

Do I have the conversation about "what's going on with us" before I leave or do I just leave and guess what's going on. The funny part is that I want to know b/c I need to know how I should act while I'm gone. Are we together? If so, I won't act like typical me. But if we aren't then is it free game? I know that sounds silly BUT if I'm not committed to someone and I'm in a foreign country... See where I'm going? Not that I'm a whore b/c that's the one thing the comedian and I did talk about at the beginning. That was our only "committment" to each other. However, enjoying the company of someone else was never talked about and when he asked me this weekend where I saw "us" in a year I was kind of shocked. My reply was typical me "I haven't thought that far ahead. I'm just trying to make it through this week" (slight pause) "I just know I like you and want to spend time with you". His reply was funny, but true. "That was tough for you to say wasn't it...you may have thrown up in your mouth a little." The good part is that he understands how guarded I am with my feelings and that I don't say things I don't mean. I will never lie to him about the way I'm feeling but I probably won't volunteer the information either.

So more than likely I will have to have "the" conversation before I go to Italy, for sanity sake. But I won't like it. AND it won't come easy.

The tough girl

Yes - 2nd post today. Get over it. I'm in a mood.

I'm known as the tough girl. The one that doesn't show emotion, that can deal with pain, lets stuff slide off her back, doesn't care, etc. This is me in all my glory b/c I don't want to be hurt.

The Comedian has officially made me pull back into my shell...

Me: Hello handsome!

The Comedian: how are you? I felt like i have not talked to you at all this week. how is life.

Me:Lol. We haven’t really talked much this week… Life is stressful but good. How about you?

TC: Good, busy

Me: I can tell

TC: well we both are busy people.

Me: That we are. So when do two busy people see each other again?
see this, this is me making an effort)

TC: How does tonight look for you. I have no idea what I am going to do.

Me: I have something to do at 6:30 but it shouldn’t take that long (hopefully) so I should be free after 8:00… This week’s been rough and as much as it pains me to say this (b/c I’m supposed to be tough and all), I could use some company. Specifically, your company.
See this, more effort)

TC: I do not know what I am doing as of this moment, I am probably going to happy hour like I always do but there were a bunch of people going out tonight so I do not know.
If I do not go out it(because of basketball in the morning) then I would def go by the house and hang. I would have to leave early in the morning from your house or mine either way.
(WTF... didn't HE just say that WE could hang out tonight or did i miss a part of that conversation?)

Me: Hmm. Ok. Well I’ve got some buddies in town this weekend so I might hang out with them tonight and maybe you and I can hang out another time this weekend. But give me a call when you’re done with your stuff. I won’t know for sure what my plans are till later this evening.

TC: alright tough girl

WTF!!

Yeah - you know what. DAMN RIGHT. You can't go re-nigging on a freaking offer to hang out and honestly expect me to be like "ok, well I'll sit at home and wait for you to call" In the words of Damon Wayans..."Homey don't play that"...

So yeah, I am the tough girl and it's shit like that that reminds me why I play the tough girl...

Too busy for stability

So I've come to a point where The Comedian and I need to have a discussion but I have no idea how to approach it. I'm starting to get really busy with work and dance and coaching and now helping my sis with her bakery stuff so I'm lacking on the "free time" and I basically need to know if he's in this or not because I don't really feel like wasting my free time on someone who won't be around for the long haul. I know it's a lot to expect him to committ to me this soon and frankly I'm not sure I really want to do the whole committment thing but what I do want to know is if he's in or if he's out.

I don't have time for emotions right now..

I do have time for laughter, someone who wants to spend time together and someone who can allow me to escape from my stresses. I don't have time for someone who doesn't know how to call back or only wants to see me when it's convenient for them.

I don't need to know if he wants to marry me or if he loves me, those things come with time. What I am asking is if he wants to put in the effort or not because if he's not ready or not sure then it's best to end this now and not have to deal with the emotion later on when I'm so overwhelmed that I just have a full on breakdown... I'll save that for when I'm able to take a couple days off work.

On a side note - I no longer have a roommate.

Love in the form of music

I've been surrounded by music because of dance for so long that I cannot imagine a life without it. Music, unlike love, has the ability to know exactly what to say in every situation.

Think about it.

There is a song in your playlist that seems to fix every issue in your life. A song, that once you hear it, makes you realize that everything will be ok. You always hear about people who thank artists for their music because it got them through some really hard times. Dancers can appreciate music because they can move to express their feelings to every song. A little lyrical for those sad times, a little modern for the angry times, a little jazz for the happy times and a little hip hop for the days when you just want to bust out. But you don't have to be a dancer to appreciate it...Music is the one thing that will always be universal, it's been the way to express ourselves since damn near the beginning of time.

People have songs that define their relationships, The Wedding Song.
Songs that define their being, The Theme Song.
Songs that define their previous relationships, The Ex Song.
Etc.

Hell, I even use to have Myspace song wars with an ex of mine. We never actually had to have a discussion on how we were feeling b/c our song on our page expressed it for us. Stupid? Yes. Proves my point? Also yes.

Music is the one that that will always make me happy. When I have no one in my life music remains, it will never leave me. It will always be there for me. When I need it. No questions asked. No stupid comments. It just plays, on repeat if I should ask of it.

It loves me and I love it and forever our relationship will continue exactly like that. I never have to question whether it loves me or where our relationship is going because I always know. I have Love. In the form of Music.