For the sake of arguing

Have you ever known someone who argues with you JUST to argue? They take whatever side of an argument as long as it's the opposite of yours, EVEN IF you are completely right and they have absolutely NO argument to support their position?

That's my significant other. Captain Awesome is an arguer. An *opposer of opposition. A rebel of cooperation and *agreeance. A pain in the ass.

He will undoubtedly argue with me about anything and everything.
Me: Turn left
CA: It's a one way
Me: No it's not
CA: The turn up here is right
Me: No, it's the one way
(we turn in his turn -sees it's a one way)
CA: Oh, I thought that back there was the one way
Me: No
CA: I'll go back
Thoughts in my head: Jesus effing Christo

It's like this ALL the time. No matter what. He HAS to be right. I'm at the point where I just stop arguing until he realizes that he's wrong. Sometimes he's right but even if he's wrong he argues. I have, at some points, wanted to punch him in the face.


Ah, to be in love... my brain hurts.







* words that are not in the dictionary however you know exactly what they mean.

When I die, I want a party

I know it's sort of a morbid thought but it's true. I have never been a fan of funerals mostly b/c they always feel dark and sad and yes, that's what they're for because it's the "mourning period" but who says that you HAVE to have a funeral.

When I die I want a party.

I want a cake and ballons and everyone to be in bright colors. I want people to laugh (and cry) and celebrate the life I lived. I want a DJ to play kick ass music and I want my friends and family to dance because THAT's what I loved the most in life. I want pictures of me with friends and family displayed so that they can remember the good times we shared.

I want people in bright colors because I did not come into this world wearing black, I did not walk around with black clothes and dark makeup. I was not depressed or sad. My life was bright and wonderful and filled with color. Remember me that way...

I do not want and open casket or a casket at all. I want to be cremated and I want my ashes poured into the ocean because my life was not lived in one place, it was lived in many. I travel and adore the world, do not make one spot my resting place for eternity. Release me that way...

I do not want people to be sad that I am gone but rather I want them to be happy that my life was a full as it could possibly be. I want people to say "Geez she was a bitch but she was funny." When people talk or think about me I want them to laugh at something I said or did. Recall me that way...

As much as birth is a celebration of new life death should be a celebration of an old life.

When I die, I want a freakin party...

I wish the lottery was my BFF

I have daydreams where the winning lottery numbers and I are playing and skipping in the park and we play a game of hopscotch and then we go for a tandem bike ride... All the while we are laughing care-free with our hair blowing in the wind (cause lottery numbers have hair)... We sit and drink coffee together and talk about boys and do each others makeup. BFs FOREVER!

Then I'm snapped back to reality by the sound of my boss asking me to send her a document that she already has in her inbox. I know this because I've already sent it to her 12 friggin times. Geezus I want to stab her in the eye with a spoon.

I know the lottery and I will never be BFFs because I'm incredibly unlucky, I can't even win at penny slots... My lucky number is 13 - that should say enough.

The Lottery is like the really popular sorority-type chick in school and I'm the band geek. Sure I'll be way hotter at the high school reunion in 10 years and she'll be fat with 5 kids but she's still rich and rich will always win.

On top of that, the cost of gas these days doesn't make it easy to spare any change, especially change for chance.

So to you lottery I say... I am ok not being your BFF however you could at least look my way and smile every now and then. Ass.

Dove chocolate = nemesis

I have a weakness for anything chocolate, or sour, or sweet or sweet AND sour which completely explains the size of my ass and thighs at this point in my life. My Hate-Hate relationship with running and working out explains it further. My friend at work bought me a whole bag of Dove chocolates and laid them on my desk Monday morning... grrr. The one thing I love about Dove chocolates (besides the fact that they're chocolate) is that they have these little sayings on the inside of the wrapper. It's like a little pick me up mid-day (or morning depending on how shitty the day)...My after lunch chocolate fix has left me with this message

"Send a love letter this week"

So in spirit of not upsetting the Chocolate Gods...here you go.

Dear Captain Awesome,

You have undoubtedly been a suprise in my life but for all the right reasons. When I met you I was convinced that maybe it just wasn't my time to be with anyone, that I had a lot more to learn and experience on my own before I should be with someone else. I had convinced myself that, despite being lonely on occasion, it was better than being miserable with someone because I settled. I have always lived my life full throttle, never looking back, never regretting and never wondering what-if. For the past two years I have travelled and experienced and lived fully with no one to share it with. It wasn't until I met you that I finally knew what they meant when they say life is better when you have someone to share it with. You make me smile and laugh and cry. And even though we've only been together a short time I can't possibly imagine my life without you in it. I can't imagine not waking up next to you in the morning or hearing and saying words I haven't spoke in a very long time. I am not ashamed to admit that I am incredibly in love with you and everything you are... I love the fact that we think exactly alike and we can call each other things most people would be offended or hurt by... I cannot wait to see what the future holds (as long as it isn't monkey babies) for us.

Love,

Me

Happiness in Confusion

I should probably preface this post by saying that I am truly happy with where I am in life, my relationship with Captain Awesome and my friendships. However I am utterly confused and not b/c I don't want what I have...it's just a big change.

I have, minus a few rotating roommates, lived by myself in my house for 2 years now with the dogs and although I did enjoy it, I was lonely at times. The thought of having someone to come home to every day was a nice, well, thought. I didn't actually think about the process of having that someone there all the time.

The combining of kitchen things in an already at full capacity kitchen. The bedroom furniture in the guest bedroom that already has a bed. The couch and gimoungous TV in an already furnished living room (cue "man room"). It's a little overwhelming trying to plan all this stuff AND actually do it since he's still out of commission b/c of the knee. I've gone from having MY stuff in the house to having HIS stuff which is now all OUR stuff. I've had an OUR's before but not really, not permanently and I think the "permanent" is the part that's starting to kick in a little. OK, a lot.

I have no doubt that this is going to work it's just that we're still learning about each other and what to say and what not to say. What hurts each others feelings and what doesn't, etc. Things most people take their time learning, not us. We started with the fact that neither one of us has wanted anything to work more than this and went from there. That should let you know our personalities :) Balls to the wall, full-out, no bullshit. Which will either be our downfall or the reason why we last forever.

I'm just glad his family is around to help. His mother has been great, she helps keep my house clean, cooks dinner for us every couple of days and is going to help me plan how to make all this stuff work in the space. Honestly, I'd probably be even more overwhelmed if not for her. We still have at least 2 more months of this so even though I'm getting use to it, it's still an adjustment in lifestyle.

Signed,
Happiness in Confusion

Get the Eff outta dodge

I'm a mover, a traveler. I don't like sitting still for too long AND if I am going to be sitting still for long periods of time I get really ansy for new scenery. Maybe I have ADD or maybe I just know that this isn't it and there's a ton of stuff to see in the world.

I haven't had a vacation since my trip to Italy in March and it's killing me. Mainly because I can't afford it but if I could I'd be out... I have plans to go snowboarding this winter but geezus, that's freaking AT LEAST 5 months away. Two words. Stir.Crazy. I start teaching in a couple of weeks which will help with 1) Money 2) keeping me pre-occupied. I really want to make a trip into Nature before the weather gets too cold. A trip to Yellowstone or New Mexico or Arizona or...well, you get the picture. I've never been to Yellowstone and I want to go! We use to go to Colorado every Summer when we were kids and I LOVED it. If you've never felt like you were about to fall off a 1,000 ft cliff you just aren't living. :/

Aaliyah was kind of right

Age ain't nothing but a number... unless the two numbers are on different planets. I've never been one to really worry about an age difference but it has played a HUGE part in a couple of relationships I've had. One was where they guy was 3 years younger than me and the other was where the guy was 10 years older than me. Neither worked because we were on different pages, scratch that, different books...and it's OK because I learned something from both of them but we just weren't right... 3 years isn't that big of a difference unless you are mid 20's and your younger counter part is JUST now experiencing the life of partying and groupies. The 10 year difference was the same issue but he wanted something I couldn't give him at the age of 25, I wasn't ready to settle down and play the role.

I'm now with someone who is 5 years younger than me and the same fears about age haunt me again. By no means is he like the ex but I still worry that I will hold him back from learning who he is. I learned a lot about who I am the last 5 years and I don't want to be responsible for keeping him from that... I don't want it to affect our relationship but then again I don't want to get down the road only to find that this isn't what he wants. I just feel that I'm too old to be wasting time on relationships that have no future or people that I don't care about. This is why I've been single for so long.

It's just never been worth the effort I guess. He's absolutely amazing. Gorgeous, funny, caring, sweet...he has an amazing smile and his kisses weaken my knees. My heart skips a beat when I think about him and he's more than I could ever ask for...so what's the problem you ask...

Yes, maybe I'm being paranoid and irrational but this is what being single for years does to you... Am I wrong for thinking like this or at least worrying about it?

Maybe my fears are unwarranted but they are still there and they are valid no matter what he says to reassure me. I'm not ready for marriage/kids by any stretch of the imagination but he's REALLY not ready for any of it.